a collection of brats
by writtenby
Summary: Levi already had too much to worry about. utter crack: ryoma, levi, eren, fuji, hanji


**disclaimer: **i don't own prince of tennis or snk  
**title: **a collection of brats  
**summary: **Levi already had too much to worry about.  
**dedication: **this is dedicated to my coach  
**notes: **utter crack - just thought that ryoma x levi would be really interesting and if fuji-senpai and hanji ever found each other...well let's just be glad it wasn't inui, or szayelaporro for that matter haha enjoy :)

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Something about this little kid with the weird green-black hair and golden-hazel eyes just annoyed the fuck out of him. Whereas Eren was like a little puppy, this kid was like a cocky, overbearing child prodigy who wouldn't put the tennis ball down.

"Put the tennis ball down," Levi told him.

"No," he replied.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Echizen Ryoma. You've probably heard of me."

"Yeah, and so have the Titans who're probably waiting to take a bite of your fresh meat," Levi said under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing. But since you aren't supposed to be here, start cleaning." He put a rag on the table.

"Cleaning? Mada mada dane," Ryoma said. What a pain in the ass. "I'm completely supposed to be here. Are you senile or what?"

"Well since you _are _supposed to be here, start cleaning anyway." _  
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"No way, I bet you're like my old man. You read porn magazines in your spare time don't you? And you make little children clean your room so that you can stare at their butt and poison their cats. I met a kid before I got here. His name was Eren or something and he said you once kicked him right. On. His butt." Ryoma took a deep breath. He never usually talked this much so it took a lot out of him. "What do you have to say for yourself?

"Shut up or I'll kick your bratty ass," Levi snarled, stalking up to Ryoma.

Ryoma stepped out of Levi's path, tossing a neon tennis ball up and down in his hand. "Mada mada dane, old man. You can't make me." As if to show off his state of being a rebel further, he stuck out a taunting tongue at him, wiggling it back and forth.

"Brats these days," Levi muttered. "Won't do anything their superior tells them to do."

"Hey!" Eren complained, poking his head around the corner, covered in cleaning solution.

Levi glared at him. "Get back to work and stop dirtying my Windex with your shit." Eren pouted. "Back. To. Work."

"Wow," Ryoma drawled. "Aren't you a dick-tator." He paused purposefully after the first syllable to give it some extra meaning. The extra meaning went completely unappreciated. Levi stalked closer, but it was hard to take him serious with his spray-bottle in one hand and a cloth tied on his face like he was a Mother Hen.

"I'll show you-" Levi thought about it. "Wait, I won't show you. Shut your fucking mouth and start cleaning." He tossed Ryoma a duster but Ryoma dodged it and it clattered onto the floor.

"Show me what?" Ryoma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Something little brats like you will probably never see or have," Levi responded, rolling his eyes. "Stop making me talk so much. I'll hit you."

"I'm so scared," Ryoma said, utterly deadpan. He kicked the duster.

"Stop. Kicking. Elena," Levi ordered. "Now."

Ryoma kicked the duster again.

"STOP. IT," Levi commanded.

Ryoma kicked the duster again.

"STOP KICKING HER OR I WILL SHOVE PAUL UP YOUR ASS," Levi raised his voice and stated, lifting his foot. He stroked the shiny, too-clean leather that Paul was made of. Left-Paul and Right-Paul made his favorite pair of boots.

"Kinky," Ryoma replied, raising his left eyebrow. "I think Fuji-senpai might like you. He might _really _like you." He kicked the duster again, but picked it up and disinterestedly swished it against the wall a few times.

"That's more like it." Levi said, crossing his arms and lowering his leg. "Who's Fuji-senpai?"

"A sadist who enjoys torturing other people to get funny reactions out of them. When encountering a wild Fuji, always, always run."

"Sounds like Hanji."

"Who's Hanji?"

"A sadist who enjoys torturing other people to get funny reactions out of them. When encountering a wild Hanji, it's already too fucking late to run."

Ryoma shuddered. "Freaky."

"She likes to sing to giant naked humans without genitals."

"Mada...mada...screw it, I'm already scared. Suddenly you seem a lot more inviting."

"You should be, brat. Scared, I mean."

They both turned as they heard a scream from around the corner. It sounded suspiciously like Eren. Then they looked at each other.

"Wow, I should have known you would be right, Fuji! He was standing right here, staring at Heichou's ass."

"Saa, Hanji, looks like we scared him a little bit."

Then they looked at each other, again.

"I'll deal with Eren later," Levi muttered to Ryoma.

"I think it's too late for his sanity," Ryoma muttered back.

Then they bolted - but it was too late - for they say, when encountering a wild Hanji, it's already too late to run.

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**written_by**


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